This week, I did my post on HIV Clinic. As the post came to an end, it surprisingly hit me once again about life.

In my opinion, as a doctor, we can’t just learn from textbooks or current updates. People around us are one of our best source of knowledge, including patients. From this week I learn that, each our patients are *really* different. They have their stories behind. Each person has their own worries, fears, hopes, challenges to overcome, reasons, which justified their actions now and then. From which we can’t just judge them right away. Our job is to make sure they are going at least one right way for their health, to make sure they are accepted as who they are eventhough maybe their preference is against our faith. To make sure that it is okay to have mistakes. And not to blame them for whichever things they’ve done. All of this which we can absolutely apply in life. You don’t need to be a doctor to understand this, you just need to be a person. A person who accepts another person as who they are.

Many times we feel like we don’t exactly fit what people on our age should do. I should take a look at my own. It is the time when your friends post everything about their kids, while you still, well, at school and your husband too. It is not that I envy them or something. It only makes me realize one thing: it is your own life that makes you grow. Some of us already had kids, some other pursue different things. It is not that I don’t want have kids, I will someday, but right now, I am pursuing another thing. So people, this is not something generalizable. You can’t say or judge “why don’t you have kids?” Or “why don’t you just work as GP?” As if you knew what other people are up to. People have different things to pursue. Whichever path they are now, they are up for something good in their life. So this is not your job to define whether something is good or bad for them. 

Where you’ve been

It’s an endless stream you can hardly go out. It’s where you’re the only creature who lives. Where you can just stay silent, absorbing the time, and couldn’t care less about anything. Apparently the stream has a time out. It can’t keep you forever in it. Time to go, it said. You’ve been groomed. You’re time has come before you know it. You don’t know when you can come back. You’ll spend most of your lifespan out of the stream.
It is still the stream you will miss the most. Used to be a home, but now only an escape.

Merely a note

2013 has been such a year. Took the hypocratic oath, then off to work in an island. I’ve been going through many things throughout. On a highlight, I learn to pay more attention to some things we people often take for granted. You know, I live in a place where the electricity only works for 12 hours. I try to be more considerate, thoughtful, and be less impulsive. I put up more effort to bounce back to the place where I could see the whole picture of everything, because things don’t always work on your favor. This year, I’m aspire to be a better human being on my terms.
I can see a glimpse of what 2014 might give me. Got some places to visit (gosh finally! After one year of hiatus), also one next big thing will be coming insya Allah. So, cheers to 2013 and buckle up for 2014!

The first 4 months

Hi 🙂
After months of hiatus I am finally back. I’ve been busy strugling with poor reception in my work area. Yes, I’ve been doing internship program for 4 months to date, and still have 8 months to go.
This internship program is such a new experience for me as a fresh doctor. I got to work in the islands. Small islands for particular. It’s kinda interesting yet challenging though. I’ve met different type of people, with different customs, upbringing, level of education, and so on. This is like the real battle field.
Many things have happened during the last 4 months. I’ve been dealing with hot-headed, stubborn, greedy people, those who speak louder than what they actually know. Trust me it took a lot of nerves to handle them. I was upset at first. I vented most of the times. I was frustated when things/people didn’t work on my favor. I was all cynical and bad I could wish for bad things happened to the people. But then again, people need to be constantly reminded of the true meaning of life when things get rough. I do know that you can’t wish people to act accordingly, because most of the times they just don’t. As the saying goes, you can’t change other people no matter how bad you want it. You can only change yourself. You can’t wish others to work on your favor, you can only work on yourself. Take a step back, see the bigger picture.
Yang jelas there’s always blessing in disguise. Being in a new place is soooo exciting. You got to taste local food, experience local customs, meet some nice locals, etc. So far, in spite of those unfavorable events, I’m lucky enough to be here. Both bad things and good ones that happened will be of a significant lesson in the long run. We just don’t know it yet 🙂

Moving On

Apparently, this is gonna be my last day (or two days, maybe) in Jogja. While packing things into boxes, the 6 years memories keep playing in my head. Call me sentimental, or whatever, I don’t really care. I still remember the first time I got here, brokenhearted, had no idea what I would do. I called my high school best friends a lot, for not feeling homey here. Turns out, I felt everything wrong. I feel like I was destined to be here. I met many nice friends, super awesome teachers, sometimes it’s bitter, most of the times we got along just fine. This is the best place i’ve ever been lived in. The best 6 years of my life, that has taught me many. It is sad knowing that I’ll be leaving tomorrow, but this is life. The only constant thing in life is changes. So, I guess this is it. My time is up here. They say good bye is the new hello. I know someday I’ll be coming again to you, Jogjakarta. I left my heart here.


It might just you being the casual you as I was trying to assume so. And I was sure I was not the only one. I just thought that indeed it seemed wrong at the moment, yet it felt just sweet. How I hate the fact that everything gets so sentimental when it comes to you. Yes, the one and only you.


As you grow older, you finally finish your school, get your own job, some of them have to be an intern first, all of your firsts as an adult. A real one. But one thing to remember: our parents get older too.
Some of us maybe too busy adapting with our new world. Youngsters have spirit, they say. And your parents maybe busy calling you, asking for “how is it going?” like 4 times a day. You’ll get annoyed, i know that. Mostly we would just turn their calls off, and continue with things we’re dealing. Somehow, it breaks their heart. Well, I don’t know for sure, but it seems so. At the end we may feel terrible doing so. Think this one, maybe it’s just part of their excitement. Their little kids finally get the job, be a doctor, or anything. They want to know how was your first thing going. Just like when you had your first walk, your first teeth came out, your first day at school, it was all part of their excitement as parents. Maybe they want to know a little too much of your days, your plans, anything. Give them at least, part of your days, just like the old times when you need your mother’s shoulder to calm your days. So I guess we should put ourselves on their shoes more often before we get angry with them and feel so bad afterwards. The older we are, the more we should understand them, not abandon them. We’re beyond grateful when we still have our parents linger.

Going Random

Things don’t always go accordingly to what you’ve wanted. Just like Rihanna said, people gonna talk whether you’re doing bad or good. Sometimes, no matter how hard you make it right, some people just won’t care. You do your parts, stick to the rules, and carry on.