Fighting for air

(In the middle of DV cases study)

Let’s face that we can never expect life to be simple. It’s basically not. I’d rather keep searching for a bliss in every ups and downs than just sitting quietly for a bliss to come over. I don’t mind to get through the pains. If I were about to let go of something, I also don’t mind. It’s just… I’m asking You, God, for myself to be strong..

Chasing Pavements

Am I really chasing pavement now? Atau malah gw jalan di tempat sebenernya?
Well I didn’t really chase. Yes I’ve been looking for some new roads, and I found that delightful pavement. All I do is just staring at it, trying to absorb the feel. The excitement. The spirit.
I didn’t give a heart. Well, a little. But whenever I try to put a little heart on it, it always goes away. Like, the excitement seemed unreachable. And it still seems like that.
So here I am, still staring at it. Slowly take myself away. Which choices need to be chose? Nothing. I keep walking on my path. With my own rush arounds. Someday I will find my own pavement to live that will give me excitements, spirits, and delightful things around. That I don’t need to chase, and give up..

Je te veux, mais..

People say a relationship supposed to be place where the people on it need each other, as a partner, friend, leader, you name it. They would do anything for their partner, literally. But what if your partner doesn’t meet that conventional criteria? I observed some relationship cases. Not that I want to be a stalker or something. I just wonder what people actually try to find in a relationship, because different body, different aims, no? Here are  2 cases:

1. The man isn’t steady enough to the woman, but she keeps loving him and accept him whatever he is. Well, I actually don’t understand about what the man and the woman want. He keeps making a close ‘friendship’ with other girls. What I think is, not that making friendships with the opposite are forbidden but ideally you must understand the rules of making that friendships when you already have a partner, isn’t it? And the woman, honestly I wonder what she expects from him. She said the man is too perfect for her, but she couldn’t find  happiness on him. Then what do you think?

2. The man has been cheating on her so many times (and the woman knows it), but still somehow she wants the man back to her. FYI, the man cheated with his ex! Ah another case of the ex. I surely regard the ex as one of “the cruella” behind a relationship. This case is so “gantung” haha. The man seems still wants the woman back, but he still couldn’t move on from his ex. The woman knows the man still go on with the ex, but yeah the feelings stay still. From this case I could conclude something. Sometimes what you miss about the missing thing is the happiness on it, without realize it also comes along with the tears.

I think what you’re gonna get from a relationship depends on your expectation. For me, a relationship is not about wanting a kind, patient, loving, and caring partner but it’s about how your partner makes you become what you want from your partner. What about you? 🙂


Everybody has their own way to be happy. For me, I love the crowd, I love being somewhere with my mates. I never complaint about other people’s choice. They know their own risk, and so do I. I know the risk, being somewhere out while there are many tasks waiting to be done. But do my tasks left untouched afterward? no. So, what I need to tell you is that there are people who follow the mainstream (it’s your word) but still responsible to their tasks and job. This earth is so wide, you can’t only classify the people based on your opinion.

For a friend out there, world is not about the task.

It’s been 2 years

in the same corner..

2 years ago, i felt so hurt as if my world were going to blow up.

this 2 years is not enough to leave out all the hurts, all the feelings i’ve been through. too much to left i thought

and this 2 years, i keep asking why i could never understand? this is even more complicated than the anatomy things. i hate my self when i couldn’t understand

if people say, just leave it! i really want to, but how? you don’t understand how i feel. i don’t want to keep up the things left unexplained, but then how i could ask for the explanation? the circumstances won’t allow me to ask anything. the more i want to ask, the more circumstances burdened me.

don’t you know how it feels? it feels like you’re on a search for a missing puzzle pieces, the corresponding one. so you could understand how the complete puzzle should be. and I’m sure it will be a complicated puzzle (like someone said lately).

ini gw nulis bukan buat apa lho yaa. i just don’t know how to share. people just keep asking me to leave, but i want to be heard. hehe

oia. gw blom crita2 gw d malay sminggu kmaren ya? coming up after this! 🙂


the one who.. losing sleep

Comparisons are easily done
Once you’ve had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one, I still got the seed

You said move on, Where do I go?
I guess second best
Is all I will know

Cause when I’m with him I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I was looking into your eyes

You’re like an Indian summer in the middle of winter
Like a hard candy with a surprise center
How do I get better
Once I’ve had the best
You said there’s tons of fish in the water
So the waters I will test

He kissed my lips
I taste your mouth
He pulled me in
I was disgusted with myself

You’re the best
And yes I do regret
How I could let myself let you go
Now the lesson’s learned
I touched it I was burned
Oh I think you should know

Cause when I’m with him,
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do  if you were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I was looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Oh won’t you walk through
And bust in the door
And take me away
Oh no more mistakes
Cause in your eyes I’d like to stay…

insomnia menyerang 😦