Contemplation

As you grow older, you finally finish your school, get your own job, some of them have to be an intern first, all of your firsts as an adult. A real one. But one thing to remember: our parents get older too.
Some of us maybe too busy adapting with our new world. Youngsters have spirit, they say. And your parents maybe busy calling you, asking for “how is it going?” like 4 times a day. You’ll get annoyed, i know that. Mostly we would just turn their calls off, and continue with things we’re dealing. Somehow, it breaks their heart. Well, I don’t know for sure, but it seems so. At the end we may feel terrible doing so. Think this one, maybe it’s just part of their excitement. Their little kids finally get the job, be a doctor, or anything. They want to know how was your first thing going. Just like when you had your first walk, your first teeth came out, your first day at school, it was all part of their excitement as parents. Maybe they want to know a little too much of your days, your plans, anything. Give them at least, part of your days, just like the old times when you need your mother’s shoulder to calm your days. So I guess we should put ourselves on their shoes more often before we get angry with them and feel so bad afterwards. The older we are, the more we should understand them, not abandon them. We’re beyond grateful when we still have our parents linger.

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dreamed a little dream of you

What’s more confusing in the morning than being able to remember every plot in your dream and knowing that the only person in it is.. SUTBYOO? And what’s more confusing than having that person’s appearance in your dream three days in a row?
As much as I wanna know the meaning (which I know that would lead me into another emotionally unstable state of mind), I also just wanna keep it to myself, leave it unexplained. Explanations somehow could be karma’s best friend, a bitch as well.
Well, I don’t know exactly what you’ve been done, but you left some space that couldn’t be occupied by anything, or anyone. To me, it wouldn’t be a problem. I would find a key, to keep it locked. To leave it unopened until unidentified period of time. I have no idea how it ends, whether reopen it or even just throw it away somewhere. Time goes by, people change. Anything can happen.
Pardon me for being such an obtuse in this kind of business.

When your good isn’t good enough

Been an intern for 2 weeks and I think I got nothing but getting stressed. It feels like, I was chased to do this and that while myself trying to adapt with the whole new world. The things are like, accumulated, everything is just getting solid, asking me to have them done. Yeah yeah not that I will just leave them behind, it’s just… I don’t have solid and thick commisural fibers in my brain. I am terrible on doing things simultaneously. The whole new world itself already makes me kind of depressed (you have no idea how hard I start to sleep).

This internship things are never easy. I’m asking you, you, and you to understand even a bit. I never ask you to love my world. The world that I’m involved is sure as hell different from what you guys have. I am drifting in my own world, just give me the time to find a true solid phase to stand. It is a mean world out there, I gotta find where I’m going to settle. We are humans, right?

Narrowing Down

Saya itu manusia banyak mau. Disaat hectic seperti ini masih banyak minta. Blok belum selese. Kuliah jalan teroos. Libur? Tetep pelit deh kampus gw. Skripsi? Boroboro beres. Sampel aja kurang. Namanya orang ya, pada dasarnya kalo banyak masalah itu pengennya kabur. Ya kayak saya ini, pengennya liburan. Nangis-nangis minta pulang. Padahal kalo dipikir-pikir pulang juga bukan pengen rumah. Pengen main. Gila ya. Bener-bener harus kuat iman banget kalo kayak gini. Diturutin sih bisa pasti, tapi pasti ga bakal ada yang selesai deh itu utang utang tugas. Satu cara sih, I keep thinking someday I will have my real vacation as a reward. Reward dari kerjaan yang selesai tepat waktu dan memuaskan. Orang kerja di kantor aja kalo prestasi dapet reward, boleh dong saya mereward diri sendiri. Sedih? Ngga asik? Bodo. Bisa banget saya jadi orang ga pedulian. Tapi kalo inget nanti urusannya sama nyawa orang sih agak mikir dikit kali ya..

Menulis

Menulis itu sangat afirmatif buat gue. Apa yang gue tulis bisa sangat mempengaruhi cara pandang gue selanjutnya. Kapan gue sadar? Kemaren. Pas abis nulis post sebelum ini yang judulnya Choices. Ajaibnya, setelah baca postnya Nadia, trus gue copy dan gw post di blog gue, gue kayak nemu jawaban dari keruwetan kelabilan (kalo kata tias) yang sblmnya cuma lewat twitter gue tulisnya, karna cuma sepenggal2. Dan selanjutnya ya rasa penasaran gue yang tadinya overwhelming bgt bisa ditekan juga. Ajaib ya haha.
Gue tau kenapa gue baru sadar skrg, dari dulu yang gue post kebanyakan galaunya. Jadilah makin aja berputar dalam kegalauan haha. Jadi, kalau galau justru jangan malah lo nulis segala kegalauan lo. Ya boleh sih, tapi lo ga bakal nemu jawabannya. Also, blog-walking is helpful 😉

Choices

This is a post copied from my friend’s blog Nadia Anindita

Menjadi setia bukanlah tidak pernah meninggalkan seseorang untuk orang lain, melainkan memilih untuk tetap bersama orang tersebut, di saat ada orang lain yang mencoba mendekat.

Menjadi setia juga ternyata bukanlah hanya menahan diri dari datangnya orang baru yang memberi warna baru dalam hidup kita, melainkan juga menjaga diri dari seseorang yang membawa arti dari masa lalu.

Lebih jauh lagi, menjadi setia adalah ketika kita telah hampir menjadi tidak setia dengan berhubungan dengan orang lain, dan tersadar bahwa kita harus segera berhenti dan kembali.

Jangan pernah berfikir kalau kita setia, kalau kita memang tidak pernah dihadapkan oleh suatu pilihan dalam suatu hubungan.

Kita pasti pernah menjadi tidak setia. Tapi dari situlah kita belajar untuk menjadi setia. Meskipun di saat kita mencoba akan semakin banyak peluang untuk tidak setia. Tapi suatu saat kita pasti sangat bahagia karena kita bisa menjadi setia.

Happiness will comes along with the choice we chose, kan?

Je te veux, mais..

People say a relationship supposed to be place where the people on it need each other, as a partner, friend, leader, you name it. They would do anything for their partner, literally. But what if your partner doesn’t meet that conventional criteria? I observed some relationship cases. Not that I want to be a stalker or something. I just wonder what people actually try to find in a relationship, because different body, different aims, no? Here are  2 cases:

1. The man isn’t steady enough to the woman, but she keeps loving him and accept him whatever he is. Well, I actually don’t understand about what the man and the woman want. He keeps making a close ‘friendship’ with other girls. What I think is, not that making friendships with the opposite are forbidden but ideally you must understand the rules of making that friendships when you already have a partner, isn’t it? And the woman, honestly I wonder what she expects from him. She said the man is too perfect for her, but she couldn’t find  happiness on him. Then what do you think?

2. The man has been cheating on her so many times (and the woman knows it), but still somehow she wants the man back to her. FYI, the man cheated with his ex! Ah another case of the ex. I surely regard the ex as one of “the cruella” behind a relationship. This case is so “gantung” haha. The man seems still wants the woman back, but he still couldn’t move on from his ex. The woman knows the man still go on with the ex, but yeah the feelings stay still. From this case I could conclude something. Sometimes what you miss about the missing thing is the happiness on it, without realize it also comes along with the tears.

I think what you’re gonna get from a relationship depends on your expectation. For me, a relationship is not about wanting a kind, patient, loving, and caring partner but it’s about how your partner makes you become what you want from your partner. What about you? 🙂

Bloody and Flesh

The tittle sounds disgusting, no? Haha. There’s a story behind it.

These two weekends are the most motivating weekend I’ve ever had. Last week, I became a volunteer in Mass Cataract Surgery. Quite tired, hectic, but overall that was amazing. I was placed in administration section which hold the registration, list the main problems, preparing and analyzing pre-op, and educating the patient post op. Most of the patients are above 50, they came with their relatives. There was a conversation, a simple one but touched me so much. This was the conversation between an old man and his son (maybe, sedikit sotoy sih gue hehe :p)

(aslinya dalam bahasa jawa)

anak: nih pak diminum dulu obatnya (sambil nyodorin air)

bapaknya gara2 kataraknya ga bisa liat minumnya dimana jadi agak kacau

anak: (sambil bercanda) hehee ini lho pak obatnya, diminum dulu yaa, abis ini keluar dari sana bisa liat lagi nggeh

bapaknya ketawa sambil manggut2

ah aslinya ini percakapan lebih dalem lagi kalo pake basa jawa. Gw cuma bisa bengong dengernya. Heey, betapa buat orang2 seperti mereka harapan bwt bisa melihat lagi itu bagai kita ngarep dapet duit 1 milyar. Bahkan mereka harus nunggu operasi gratisan bwt bisa ngeliat lagi. The point is, sometimes we (gw terutama) are not thankful for what we’ve got. We keep asking for more without realizing banyak orang yg punya keinginan simple, yg malah kita lupa kalo kita punya.  And seeing their bliss face after the op done made me feel as blessed as them who just had their eyes operated..

And what makes me feel so motivated this week? Pertama gw nonton Sang Pemimpi kemaren. Emang dasarnya cengeng, gampang tersentuh atau apa lah, film2 kayak gitu emang gampang bikin gw nangis, touchy men. Dan emang ya, abis nonton film2 kaya gitu jadi insaf belajar, hehee. Trus yg kedua, tadi gw ikut seminar kesehatan. It talked about what we gonna do after we graduate. Man, it made me think hard about the future. Selama ini bayangan gw cuma gw pengen jadi dokter jantung, di RS Swasta karna gw ga mau jadi PNS titik. Alasannya? What else selain “kesejahteraan” (yeah hampir semua yg masuk FK mikir gitu kan?). But there was a doctor, beliau udah ngabdi 12 tahun di pedalaman Papua. Tau disana beliau cm dibayar berapa? 2REBU PERAK. Di jogja baru dapet buat bayar parkir kali. Bahkan beliau yang aslinya cuma dokter umum, jaga di rs jiwa, blajar tentang kejiwaan otodidak. Umurnya udh 69 thn aja gitu, masih rajin baca, ikut symposium, ngajar dll. Menurut gw beliau pantes dibayar lebih, tapi beliau ga pernah nuntut bayaran tuh. His part made me think that as a doctor, you don’t have to always think about money. Although everything needs money, money is not everything for a doctor. Call me idealist or something, you name it. But he reminds all the doctor wanna be about how a doctor should be, semacem balik ke kodrat lah. I should give my very respect to the doctor like him.

So, the point I’ve got is: You don’t need to have a one night stand to be happy, just do everything for the people then you’ll see their happiness as yours too. And of course, long live learning doctor.

Bloody and flesh for today, utopia tomorrow 🙂

It’s alright what people gonna say, but as long as you have a dream, why should you mind them?